Anything but Ordinary

I love song lyrics. A good song with great lyrics that fit my mood or express a thought/emotion I have is really a way I would love to communicate. I can picture myself as someone in a musical, walking down the street, bursting into random fits of song. (sometimes I even do that) I found a song recently that really captures my state of being lately. It's Anything but Ordinary by Avril Lavigne.

Sometimes I get so weird
I even freak myself out
I laugh myself to sleep
It's my lullaby

Sometimes I drive so fast
Just to feel the danger
I wanna scream
It makes me feel alive

Is it enough to love?
Is it enough to breathe?
Somebody rip my heart out
And leave me here to bleed
Is it enough to die?
Somebody save my life
I'd rather be anything but ordinary please

To walk within the lines
Would make my life so boring
I want to know that I
Have been to the extreme

So knock me off my feet
Come on now give it to me
Anything to make me feel alive

Is it enough to love?
Is it enough to breathe?
Somebody rip my heart out
And leave me here to bleed
Is it enough to die?
Somebody save my life
I'd rather be anything but ordinary please
I'd rather be anything but ordinary please.

Let down your defenses
Use no common sense
If you look you will see
That this world is this beautiful
Accident turbulent succulent
Opulent permanent
No way I wanna taste it
Don't wanna waste it away

Sometimes I get so weird
I even freak myself out
I laugh my self to sleep
It's my lullaby

Is it enough?
(Is it enough?)
Is it enough to breathe?
Somebody rip my heart out
And leave me here to bleed
Is it enough to die?
Somebody save my life
I'd rather be anything but ordinary please

Is it enough?
Is it enough to die?
Somebody save my life
I'd rather be anything but ordinary please
Oh
I'd rather be anything but ordinary please.

The Flame

Last night, I went to a Greek Orthodox Easter service. One of the parts of the service is where the congregation all has a candle and we pass the flame to each person, and then we sing etc. Well, last night it was super windy, so there was a trick to keeping the flame lit. Now, I also have longish hair, which I toyed with putting up and decided to leave it down. Wind, long hair and a candle is never a good combo. As I bent to wish a happy Easter, my hair caught fire! I got the flame out pretty quick, and thankfully had not put in any hair spray. Burnt hair smells awful and I am glad it was just a little bit on the side of my hair, blends right in with my layers.

The funniest part of it all? I can now say I caught on fire at church!

Gift of Love

First, my apologies for not blogging last week aside from my sketch war entry. Life got the better of me and took me out of the game for a bit. I'm back and putting life back in it's place.

I had a proud mommy experience last Friday. My oldest has been taking violin at school all year, he's in 1st grade and will be 7 this coming Friday. My son was also diagnosed with autism when he was 17 months old. He goes to a private school and is in a blended classroom of children in 1st-3rd grades. They had their end of the year concert last Friday at this new performing arts center.

So I'm in this auditorium, watching for my son. They call up his group and he's the first one on the stage. Right away he peers over the edge of the stage into the orchestra pit and the teacher is still on the microphone addressing the parents and he has to stop speaking to address my son and direct him back to the center of the stage. Then my son starts enthusiastically waving to try to locate me in the crowd. He didn't see me of course, because the house lights were down. So he tried again, this time putting his violin on the stage and putting his hands up to his eyes like binoculars. When that didn't work, he picked up his violin again and this time waved his bow in the air. I was rolling in my seat, shaking with laughter. Got to give the kid points for being persistent.

Right about then the teacher was calling for attention and he got his little violin in place and waited and started playing right in time with the other kids. They played this song called "Song of the Desert" I think it was just 6 notes that they repeated several times. And, it was deliciously awful. I was so proud. The squeaking, the chords that didn't appear in the written music, but were present in the space, it was all perfect.

As I watched my son, I just wanted to take a photo and place my middle finger in it and send it to every doctor who said my son wouldn't do anything. No talking, special ed all the way up, life of having to be cared for. HA. They said that to the wrong mom. I worked 5 1/2 years for that brief moment on Friday. Here's my son, in a private school with typical kids, doing 3rd grade work in the 1st grade, on stage with all the sensory input around him (the lights, the people, the noise) and he's playing his violin with all the other kids! What a moment. It literally made all the running around to therapies, the countless hours of one on one work, everything I did in that time, worth it. Totally worth it. Happy birthday my son, my gift to you is the opportunity to be whatever you want to be.

FSW: Your Song

College dorm room. We see soda cans, beer cans and pizza boxes strewn around the room amid piles of clothes. Band posters and black light posters are on the wall. On a small plaid couch we see Jenna sitting with a guitar and sheets of paper wadded up all around her. She is wearing a dirty t-shirt, boxer shorts and her hair is very mussed.

JENNA: (muttering to self) maybe an alternate tuning would work...

Knock on the door of the dorm room startles Jenna.

JENNA: are you freaking kidding me? who would be knocking at this hour? Dammit now I gotta answer the door.

She goes to door, swings it open and sees her roommate standing there, with her keys in hand.

JENNA: Oh, hey Sara, what are you doing here? I thought you were out of town for the weekend.

SARA: I'm back. It's Monday afternoon. Haven't you left the room? Holy shit Jenna, what in the hell did you do here in our room?

JENNA: I'm working on a song. I'm just stuck at this one point and I can't seem to move forward.

SARA: Well finish it up because you need to clean up this shithole of our room so I can study and move around in here....man, what a mess.

Sara frowns and storms out, Jenna watches her go...

JENNA: Bitch. Doesn't she understand what it's like to be creative?

Goes back to work, we hear strumming, and babbling for a few minutes, then another knock on the door.

JENNA: Again? Dammit, I'm never going to get this done. (gets up and goes to door)

JENNA: (swings open door) Oh hey Cathy, what's up?

CATHY: Hey Jenna, I noticed you haven't been around the last few days, and I just wanted to check on you. That's what us Resident Advisors do. Is everything ok?

JENNA: Thanks for checking in Cathy, I'm fine. Just been trying to write a song, and I'd really like to get back to it if that's ok.

CATHY: Sure, just one more thing. We're having our annual spirit dinner tonight with the guys from Northbrook Hall. Every room has been paired up with a guy's room. Your guy is Alan and he should be here to pick you up a couple hours. Just wanted to give you a heads up, you know, if you wanted to shower or something...

JENNA: Whatever. Sounds lame. I'll think about it. Gotta go now Cath, the muse is waning.

Cathy walks off and Jenna shuts door. She goes back to work, strumming, babbling and loses track of time. A knock again on the door. Now, she gets angry.

JENNA: What the fuck do you want? People can't you just leave me alone and let me work on my fucking music!? (she goes to the door and swings it open)

Standing at the door is a drop dead gorgeous guy, peering at her and seems repelled by her appearance.

ALAN: Hi, um, I'm Alan and I was supposed to pick up Jenna?

JENNA: Yeah, I'm Jenna. I'm so sorry I wasn't ready for you to come get me, I'll take a minute to get ready to go. I just need to put this away...

ALAN: It's ok, It looks and sounds like you are super busy, so I'm gonna go ahead and go... if you can make it, I'll see you there, ok? (he turns and bolts)

JENNA: Sucks. Damn song. Getting in the way of everything. Guess it's back to work.

BLACKOUT.

FSW: Sunday Morning

Church, Sunday morning. We see an older teenage girl walking hand in hand with a small female child. The girl is alone and the child is calling her mommy. They pause at the door to a room with lots of other children inside.

MOM: I'll be back to pick you up after Sunday School! Have a good time and behave for your teacher!

DAUGHTER: OK, mommy, bye! (darts off to play with the kids)

(mom walks away, we see teacher start rounding up the kids for a lesson)
TEACHER: Boys and Girls, today we are going to talk about the Ten Commandments. I'll give you an explanation of each so you can understand them. (she opens up a Bible) You shall have no other gods before me, and you should not make yourself an idol and worship it. God, is the only God and we should worship just Him. (teacher looks at the kids to see if there are questions, seeing none she continues) You shall not misuse the name of the Lord, and remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy. Always speak using good language and never swear at God or use God's name in anger or with bad words. And, we rest on Sundays and keep the day free from work. It's a day to remember God. (she looks again, kids are still listening and goes on) Honor your father and mother. You shall not murder, commit adultery or steal. Don't give false testimony against your neighbor or covet what your neighbor has. Children, we want to make sure that we love our parents and show them respect. We don't kill people, lie or wish we had things that other people have. Are there any questions?

DAUGHTER: (raises hand, teacher nods) What's commit adultery?

TEACHER: (thinks for a moment, somewhat embarrassed in how to answer this question with a room full of children) Well, that one is for adults. So it doesn't matter what it is, you'll understand it when you get older.

DAUGHTER: (seems satisfied) OK, thank you! I get it!

(mom comes to pick up daughter, and they walk away together. Daughter starts telling her mom about the lesson.)

DAUGHTER: Mom! We learned about the Ten Commandments, and there is one that is just for adults. Don't commit adultery!

MOM:(surprised tone) Yes, that is for adults. Good job listening in class. I am very proud of you!

BLACKOUT

LIGHTS UP

Church again, now we see Mom sitting with daughter in church, with families all around her. The minister is beginning to read from the Bible.
MINISTER: You shall have no other gods before me. You shall not make for yourself an idol... (minister continues speaking)

DAUGHTER: ( Loud whispers) Mom, these are the ten commandments! We learned about them in Sunday School, remember? Remember what I told you?

MOM: Shhhh, people can hear you, just listen. And yes, it is the ten commandments.

MINISTER: You shall not misuse the name of the Lord your God (minister continues speaking)

DAUGHTER: (normal voice, serious) Mom, this is where God says don't swear.

MOM: (looks around, sees others looking at her, some around her are trying to hold back laughter) Shhh, yes, we shouldn't swear.

MINISTER: Honor your father and mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God has provided for you. Thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not commit adultery-

DAUGHTER: (stands up on pew and yells out) MOM! THAT'S FOR YOU!!!!!

Mom looks around and sees most people around her now laughing.

MOM: (sighs) Yes. You are right, that's for adults.

BLACKOUT

Losing My Religion

Like many people in my age group, I have grown weary of organized religion. Being raised in a very traditional, very religious household, the absence of church-going has caused great concern for my family. I am barraged with questions about my faith, if I am a practicing Christian, do I read my Bible etc. No matter how many times I explain that I am very strong in my faith, that I am a Christian (my kids also go to a Christian school, etc) and it's just a disillusionment with the organized church as a whole, not an argument with my faith that keeps me from going to church, they still insist on pursuing these discussions and continue to not believe what I say!

My choice to divorce, and pursue my career in dealing poker hasn't helped the conversation either. But for me, I mostly struggle with the hypocritical attitudes of those who preach but don't live it, and I have a hard time finding a congregation where I feel like I'm getting what I need spiritually and where my children are accepted and taught to appropriately as well. What I'm having a hard time finding is a church with a traditional service that isn't at 8am on a Sunday morning, that doesn't have 5,000 (or more members) that hands out a bulletin, and has similar theology to what I believe. Good Luck with that one!

I think I have created a solution for myself. Since I have attended various franchises of church throughout my life and find bits and pieces of all to add to my faith, I could devise a schedule of attendance based on church history. It would look like this:

The first Friday of the cycle, I would attend a temple for a traditional Jewish service. Two days later, on Sunday I would attend a Greek Orthodox service symbolizing the early church. The next Sunday I would go to Mass at a Catholic church to represent the first split in Christianity. The third Sunday I would take a break, which would symbolize the Renaissance and a new way of thinking. The fourth Sunday I would go to a Lutheran church, which would represent the nailing of the 95 theses on the door of the cathedral in Wittenberg and the birth of protestantism. The next Sunday, be it the 5th of the month, or a new month, I would go to a church that was either Calvinist/Christian Reformed or Presbyterian, to symbolize the next split of thought, and give pause to the denomination in which I was raised. The Sunday after that I would go to a Methodist/Wesleyan church, again furthering a thought and split in the history of Christianity, and then end with a final Sunday of a service at a mega-church of my choosing, since I find them to be about the same. They all claim to be "different" and yet the style of each is very similar. Video broadcasts of services, lots of music, lights, singing the same song through over and over, no bulletin, and when the service over you wait the same amount of time you were in the service to leave because the parking lot is jammed with all the cars for the 5,000+ people you were just with! The last Sunday of the month would be another break to gear up for the repeat of the cycle above.

I think this way, I would be really living the history of my faith, or just getting really confused! But, it may just be the solution to my searching and the pestering from my family. (nah... it's family, they gotta nag about something!)

*note, I chose the above denominations as examples and expressions of the closest protestant faiths to what I was raised in. This post is not considered historically accurate, nor did I fully look into adding other world religions into my time line. This is my personal faith and reflects my theological background and is not meant to ignore or dispute any other faith.*

Walking in Memphis

With two minutes to play, the Memphis Tigers are leading the UCLA Bruins 67-54 in the semi-final game of the NCAA Basketball tournament! I picked Memphis to win the entire tournament in my bracket, and was mocked for it. "How you could pick against UCLA?" "Memphis? They had the weakest schedule of any of the #1 seeds!" And so on. Yet, here we are with Memphis on the brink of being in the championship game coming up Monday! And, sweet Victory is mine! Go Tigers!

I have been doing brackets for the tournament since I was 11. It's tradition for me. When my stepdad was still alive, and email wasn't a common household tool, I would call him and give him my picks over the phone and he would enter my bracket in his work pool. I would consider myself to have fairly decent bracketology and I stand by my picks, even when they lose! (like Kansas last year) That said, I just didn't see UCLA winning this year. (plus I am not a pac-ten fan...that will be another post for another day) I had UCLA losing to Drake in the sweet sixteen. Of course, Drake lost in a heartbreaking game in the first round.

Now to seal my victory, Kansas needs to pull off a win and beat UNC!